The NY Times front page story on Friday, May 14, was a little more startling than usual. While reading about a general who got shot in the head during an interview w/ a Times reporter, we checked out the map and realized it was just a few blocks from my fave hostel in Thailand, which I always referred to as my “home base” in SE Asia. It was the area of the city where I felt most comfortable and “at home” during my travels last Fall. Lumpini Park — Yeah, right next to the HSBC bank that I hunted down to re-up my stash every time I passed through Bangkok. I spent my last night in Asia alone on Dec 24 on a shopping spree at the Suan Lum night bazaar right next to the park.

Such a weird feeling to read about something so far away and for once not feel like it’s all happening in an imaginary world.

HSBC building on Lumpini Park, from my photos.

“Slum Dog Around the World.”

Starring 

Cliff Lasky: as the Slum Dog

Nadeska Alexis: as The Main Ho

Sabrina Smith: as the Jai Ho.

Before we left for Asia last Fall, my best friend Cliff pitched this idea to me, and it actually got done. Catch him front and center in every country, and I make a few guest appearances beginning in Thailand. Halong Bay and Saigon, Vietnam were my favorite to film, and of course, we wrap things up on the Brooklyn bridge in February.

M.I.A. ft Afrikan Boy - Hussel.

This one goes out to all the hustlers, scammers and opportunists around the world.

The Ultimate Scammers

After three days of phone calls, emails and research,we learned that this is just another scam phenomenon in Thailand. Google searched turned up a couple results warning about this situation (some spef on this island) even advising to use an expired passport as a deposit. The guys who saved us from the 2^nd ATV crash let know later that after returning their motorbikes that day, they got billed a couple thousand baht for one scratch. During one of our final trips to the Thai police station – at breaking point – another traveler comes in to complain that he got a small scratch on his motorbike and the shop owner was trying to charge him 3,000 THB or no passport. We just managed to be the assholes who almost died and rang up the biggest bill. Our situation became notorious on the island in those three days and everyone let us know that it happens a lot but no one does anything about it. The tourism police office could barely help and couldn’t dispatch officials from the neighboring island, Koh Samui to help us because they were occupied with the Full Moon Party scheduled for the following night. Time was really the deciding factor here. After investing so much time, we wanted to stay, wait for the police, find a lawyer, do the whole ordeal just so it wouldn’t keep happening to tourists, but with flights and ferries booked, that wasn’t an option.

We alerted so many officials and kept them all updated so it’d be nice to think that someone will fix this soon – but that’s doubtful. So in the mean time, don’t fucking deposit your passport when you rent anything in Asia. Read the contract before you sign it. And never ever rent anything from Owen Motor Bike Rentals on Koh Tao island, in Thailand. It’s run by a bunch shysters that you don’t want to tangle with. If you run into the “owner,” a small, neurotic human who wears terrible hair scrunchies and has braces – know that you’ve been in the presence of true evil.

Koh Tao day three: After a day of rest in paradise, feeling human again, three girls rent ATVs and set out to explore the island. Day starts out brilliantly but in no time, it takes an instant turn downhill. Literally (ha). After conquering some pretty steep terrain, we’re attempting to make our way up an extremely rocky hill (in retrospect a bad idea) and 5 ft before clearing the rocks, my ATV (with Sabrina on the back) hits a rock, front tips straight up into the air and we fall backwards down the hill. Took me a few seconds to make sure I was alive, then next thought…“Holy Shit I killed Sabrina.” She wasn’t dead or seriously injured — thank god — but wasn’t immediately able to move. Pushing the ATV off of us, with Sabrina still stuck under it, I look up to see the 2^nd ATV (which didn’t brake well) rolling down the hill directly at us. I wish I made that part up because it’s just so absurd. Two guys managed to steer it away from us, just so much that it missed us by an inch and crashed into the already overturned 1^st ATV. Agh.

We’re fucking alive. The ATVs have seen better days.

After hell to get both ATVs back to the shop, we’re prepared to pay for the damages, just happy that all limbs are in tact. Then we find ourselves locked in a war with a witch on an island… so far from home. Total cost of damages should’ve been a couple hundred baht at most but we ended up with a bill for over 1,000 USD. We’re amused until we realize that this witch had my passport captive.

A flight to Vietnam in 3 days, my passport full of visas is not in my possession and I’m the only one legally tied to the contract we signed (Loose). Sabrina and I contacted the local police, tourist police, our travel insurance and every embassy we were linked to (American, Grenadian, British) for help – No luck. Turns out that when your passport is from an island that Thai police can’t even find on a map, you shouldn’t release it from your possession for more than a few mins. This had been standard for renting bikes in other countries, but never again. American embassy wanted so badly to help, but we made the mistake of not using an American passport as a deposit (Loose). Thai police couldn’t do anything to help me, short of finally admitting that stealing my passport back and escaping to the next island would make me home free.

Hard to really express how shitty this situation was in such limited words because feeling stranded so far from home, completely helpless after exhausting all your option falls in its’ own category. Everyone we encountered on the island tried to help, aware that this was ludicrous but they couldn’t do much because of island politics. At the end of 3 days battling evil we ended up short a good portion of our travel money. I remember throwing a couple thousand baht and a 400 wad of USD at this woman — just three weeks into my trip — watching her do the conversion and feeling emotions that are better not written.

Koh Tao

I was pretty determined to consistently blog about this trip but a small fiasco on the island of Koh Tao derailed me at the end of Thailand. I was all wired about this island because it was so chill — the perfect combination of the mayhem of Koh Phi Phi and the tranquility of Koh Lanta — but of course, my excitement meant that something horrible had to go down.

First — if I didn’t feel useless enough for not having updated this blog in over a week, Tumblr has to remind me that my ‘tumblarity’ is: 0. Thanks Tumblr. But ask me if I care this time.

It’s 3:20am in Malaysia, somewhere in the Cameron Highlands and after a day spent sprinting to buses & ferries/sitting on buses for way too long, now I’m sitting in bed just dying to shower. Too bad the bathroom is fucking infested. Granted, I am backpacking and every new hostel/guesthouse is a part of the adventure because you never know what you’re getting — but COME ON.

9 hrs ago, the bathroom in our guesthouse in Penang was so nice (on an outdoor balcony) that I was motivated to have a photoshoot while brushing  teeth.

(sorry Sabrina, I was in a towel, had to keep it PG)

9 hrs later, i’m facing a bathroom that looks like it hasn’t been re-worked since the 1920s & there are so many crawling creatures, butterflies & long-legged things that I’m actually scared to stay in there for more than 3 mins. Why would all of the windows be open? WE’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WOODS. Do I really have to spray on my Deet while I shower?

I will blog instead of showering but I will not enjoy it. Picking up where I left off, three countries ago (Thailand —> Vietnam —-> Malaysia)

Koh Lanta Activities.

“Koh” or “Ko” works.

We got rained out a bit on the island but we also had motor bikes, so things got done. (Motorbikes are the choice transportation for the locals, save for a few cars and pickup trucks). There’s really one main road you can zoom up, down and around to check out the island, and so we did.

Koh Lanta has a sizable Muslim population, which caught us a little off-guard. Very traditional, with women wearing their veils (unsure of the accurate name) selling food in street-stalls and taking care of their children while their husbands handled the fishing. (Our resort was run by traditional Muslim men and women also, but somehow they were so indifferent to whatever nonsense we were getting ourselves into). They were all some of the friendliest, most genuine people I’ve met in any country so far. We found one particular street-food stall ran by a group of women who we fell in love with immediately. We stopped by every chance we could to have their snacks.

My favorites: Fried bananas for 1 baht, and some kind of coconut milk snack created  in a contraption similar to a waffle maker for about 5 baht.

Despite the language barrier, which was sometimes a little frustrating for me because I would’ve loved to connect with them on a more personal level, they were always so happy to see us when we stopped by. Food and smiles have definitely managed to transcend any language barriers on this trip so far.

During our snacking obsession, we also fell in love with a little girl – phonetically her name is Salida – but I’m sure that’s not the correct spelling. She was a darling and her mom let us take some photos with her. While we were eating and watching the kids play on the beach, Cliff made the observation that they were lucky to be leading such a simple, happy life but Sabrina and I felt a little bit differently about it. As lucky as they were to be living a life free of all the pressures that some of us know, we also recognized that they have a lack of options. Moving from rural communities — if that’s what you want — definitely seems difficult in Thailand and I have the feeling that our little superstar Salida, might someday want to explore a bit more just like we were doing when we found her. This is a completely personal viewpoint, derived from experiences of feeling confined in the past.

On our last day on the island, we grabbed breakfast at a different food stall, a little sad that we didn’t have time to go say goodbye to them but somehow Salida and her mother just happened to be directly across the street, selling fruit shakes.

Too lucky. We got a few more pics with them, hung out for a few minutes and bought banana/orange shakes for 25 baht. They asked us to come say goodbye on our way to the ferry, but we couldn’t because we weren’t driving. Would be amazing if the universe allowed us to ever see this little girl again.

After a few days on Koh Phi Phi, I finally warmed up to it, but still couldn’t wait to leave. Another last minute decision over breakfast, 20 minute packing and we’re gone.

Next stop: Koh Lanta.

This island is about three times the size of Koh Phi Phi, about an hour ferry ride (350 baht) away and the perfect follow-up to tourist haven in Phi Phi. There are no Spring Break-wannabes on the island and everything is much more spread out, so I felt like I had space to breathe.

The Thai Hustle: Before we even board the ferry to Lanta, we’re swarmed with reps from resorts on the next island pressing us to book rooms with them. Quite the exercise in patience in midday sun in the south of Thailand (I got the worst sunburn I’ve had since I was 9 on the first day there). They hassled us for half of the ferry ride also but in the end, it saved us a lot of trouble.

Accommodation: For 300 baht or $10 (the same price we paid on Phi Phi) we had a bigger room with enough space to fit 4, AC, unlimited internet (their version of that anyway), 2 motorbikes per day and it looked like this….

(Shout out to Cliff for being the ultimate hustler)